It's the end of the year again! Blessed Christmas and A Happy New Year!

'In a Blink of an eye', year 2011 coming to an end. As usual, many ups and downs throughout the year. Most important thing, I enjoyed the process and learnt alot and grow in it. Got a new life, a better half of me (wink~~), career advancement, more love, much exciting journey with faithful friends, etc. All praise to be God. Looking back at what happened to me past 26 years, it's like a flash of light, now I am a grown up with own career, more responsibilities, aw...How I wish to be a child again. Haha. Silly me. Anyway, don't want to crap much because it's Christmas day tomorrow. Got to wake up early in the morning to go to church yo! Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year to y'all. Have a blast and a great year ahead! Take care.

Xmas is just around the corner....

This year, 2011, I have decided to do something different on christmas day. As normal, we will celebrate this day with love ones, go to church, have christmas dinner etc. This year, I am going to join uncle sam and WH family to do some charity work and celebrate christmas with someone special.

When I watched Glee season 3, I came across with this song and it touches my heart deeply, wanna share with u guys out there.

 EnJoy! Blessed Christmas to all of ya!

Emo'ing' and got saved!

After posted the new entry 'patience', i got emo again. Was thinking about the issue. Having insomnia now. Was listening to all sorts of sad musics. As i type in youtube search engine to search for more emo songs, these two songs came to me. Without any hesitation, i clicked on the video and i got touched by the lyrics, as though God is speaking to me. Here, i want to share with you guys about these two vids.

David Hodges ft Amy Lee - Breathe 

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I, I'm desperate for you
And I, I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I, I'm desperate for you I'm desperate for you
And I, I'm lost without you I'm lost without you
And I, I'm desperate for you I'm desperate for you
And I, I'm lost without you I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

And I, I'm desperate for you I'm desperate for you
And I, I'm lost without you I'm lost without you
And I, I'm desperate for you I'm desperate for you
And I, I'm lost without you I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

David Hodges feat.Amy Lee - Fall Into You

Seems so far that I have gone down this road
Only to find that it ends
But looking back, there is one thing that I know
I can't make it all alone again

'Cause I'm too weak
To stand on my own
When all I need is you

So lead me, guide me
Hold me, hide me in love
With all that you are
And all that you do
Hear me, take me
Mould me, break me oh god
Just fill all of me
As I fall into you

Just catch me as I fall
When all this time I have felt so alone
Losing myself in my despair
With loving arms
You were waiting for me to let go
With every step you were there

'Cause I'm too weak
To stand on my own
When all I need is you

So lead me, guide me
Hold me, hide me in love
With all that you are
And all that you do
Hear me, take me
Mould me, break me oh god
Just fill all of me

Oh my child, how I have longed
For you to come home to where you belong
All of your life, if you could just see
All of my joy, when you are here with me

Oh my child, how I have longed
(Lead me, guide me)
For you to come home to where you belong
(Hold me, hide me in love)
All of your life, if you could just see
(With all that you are)
All of my joy, when you are here with me
(And all that you do)
Hear me, take me
Mould me, break me oh god
Just fill all of me
As I fall into you

Beh Tahan...haha

Do enjoy the video! Haha...I got stomachache after watching these videos, hard to breathe! Haha

Patience

It's been a month since i enrolled in post basic in critical care in Sime Darby College. My opinion so far? One word to describe it, 'SUCKS'. Most of the time no lecturer in the class, reasons? Having class with the diploma students, clashing of time tables etc. Compensatory mechanism? Assignments and self study most of the time. I do not know when was the last time i have a good sleep during week days. Most of us are sleepy in the class, from 8-5pm then have to rush home to do assignments. The words that came out the most from the lecturer's mouth were 'you all are post basic students, not diploma students, you should have know this and that, learnt this and that, that is your pre-requisite skills bla bla bla'. Have they forgotten there are some year 1 staff nurse in the midst of us? Reading from slides is another mistake, might as well i get the hand out and read it at home. Snug and cozy. These are all my complaints for the first 2 weeks, in my heart, i am really frustrated. Many friends told me to pray and surrender to God, and i did surrender all to God and pray but prayer isnt my specialty, but God did answer my prayer in a very creative way of His. I have to learn to be more patience. That is the only thing i need to build up my faith. I am too 'rushy' sometimes and even people around me cannot bear with me. I want to do things fast, be productive, efficient but i have never thought of the things i have missed during the process. That is enjoyment of doing the particular thing. Enjoy the process and be grateful to people that helped out. Same things goes to christianity, i am rushing myself to be more like Him. Everytime i stepped into the church, i felt isolated and low self esteem. They are so close to God, i dont even know what is going on in the church, follow them to sing, to praise, trying to understand every words from the sermont, the character, the event, etc. Frankly, i got very stressed up. That is why everytime after the service, i quickly and quietly ran off from the church, and i cried in the car. Again, the word patience came into my mind. But how? I am supposed to be happy to be in the house of the Lord, now, i am afraid. I am...

For you my darling...

Still loving you

To You,
          Sry, It took me sometime to read your blog. I have read your letter and most of your updates. I cried, I wanna hold you in my arms and to tell you that, I am still loving you. Neither of us have done wrong. If time could turn back to that day, I would say sry and hold you tight, would never let you go. You are not the only one pretending, I am too. I pretend not to go out on your bday as well, cx i know i would cry, and i will. I don't have the courage to face you for the time being as I am facing great spiritual dilemma as well. I dont know which path to walk now. I really dont know. Would you wait for me? Can we start all over again? Miss you loads, wk.

From the one still loving you but lost...

A little Faith at a time...to draw closer to GOD.

13/11/2011 (Sunday)

Alarm struck my head at 0900H, as usual, snoozedit and continue to sleep. I slept at 0400H earlier, felt so tired and helpless in waking up =P. Out of sudden, i felt my body was energized and refreshed, I stood up from my bed, feeling awkward of course. Hmm, nevermind. Headed to shower, and prepare to go to church. Got a Whatsapp message from Mr Eric Hiew, a gentle reminder for me to go to church =.=|||. As i drove to the highway, there were many cars even though in Sunday morning? I wonder why? Reached WH at 1020H, whoa, there were lotsa cars there, most are church-goers i guess. Tried to find a parking there, circling that place for quite some time, didn't manage to get one. My mind already given up, wanted to go home but my limbs arent with me tho. They drove me to a place where there's a parking space there, the disadvantage of this parking venue was, it is vey far from the church and in needed to walk uphill! Sigh... My legs are willing to do that for me and i walked to the church. As i stepped into WH gate, i was SOB, sweating and tachycardia. The moment i stepped into the hall, I felt relatively comfortable and peace. Then the service go on. Felt kinda weird at first, ouch, should i use fresh or new? I find that i am totally a noob or a newbie in christianity. There was a moment of silence during the sharing, what touched me the most was when uncle sam came out to share with us, the moment he shed his tears, i can feel inside myself there was a river of tears circulating my whole body, it came naturally, didnt even go through my brain for translation. Then, there is this song playing in my head, 'There is none like you'. I sung it quietly in my heart, shed a few tears but still pretending macho >.<. I am really glad that I am saved, am walking on the right track now. Uncle Sam brought me back to christ, God uses Uncle Sam to guide me, not only in christianity, about life, studies, etc. I am glad to get to know a bunch of good friends @ bro and sis in Christ. Do you know that they willing to give me a wake up call @ calls just to get me to the church? I am really touched by them. Hugs all =)

The Offical Music Video, Uninspired by Djezna's Stalker DjeznasStalker

 Local Malaysian band. Do support them, support good music!!! Nice work there! Bravo!

Oh NO!!!!!!

One word ---> Frustrated. Nothing left in my hard disk after the viral fever. After resuscitation, Moi PC left nothing behind T_T.....haihz -_-|||

 Argh~~~~~~~ Woof ...Wooof............................@!#%@$%!#^!&%&

I have made the first step...

After so many years of struggling, arguing, denying, cursing, etc. Finally, I surrender myself unto HIM. Many ups and downs in my life, GOD has been helping me along the way although I did not pray unto him or asked for his help, he has never given up on me, I knew it deep down into my heart but I was scared to admit that HE is real. Maybe I don't deserve to be his child, I am a disgrace to christian being. I don't want to crap much about my past for I am a new being now, a life with more faith, a happy life with someone will never forsaken me, never failed me, a great listener, and all in all, a caring FATHER. No words could comprehend how I feel now. I am just happy, yes I am. I wanted to thank a person, for 3 years GOD sent him to guide me, help me along this Christian road, walk with me side by side. His name is Uncle Sam. Big hugs to him!! Tian, Eric, Rachel, Wern Loong, Amy, thanks guys, or should i say brothers and sisters in Christ. =) 

Shalom....

A brand new Will Ku 2011 model, production of JESUS CHRIST TM

Kwong sai food =)

Well, went to this kwong sai food restaurant in SS15 with Hwa and his family to have our dinner. The food there...hmm...1 word....scrumptious! Reasonable price. Thanks loads! Revisiting? A must! =)

Alpha outing

22/10/11

Got up early today, was excited about the alpha outing, first time being excited about a christian activity. Took off early to pick up my friend. Stop at a junction near my house, waiting to cross the hectic road. Outta sudden, a motorcycle flew in front of my car, a kiddo was trying to do some stupid stunt but was outta control. I saw the bike flew up high and smashed on the road. OMG and WTF!!! I am so damn lucky that the bike did not hit on me. Phew!! Reached SS17 safely, pick up my friend, turn on my GPS and another WTF!!! Can't locate this place named 'KUANG'. Called for help...in the end, gotta meet up in the ministry house, someone will guide me from there...huhu...Took off to Federal highway....again, another WTF!!!! Traffic jam...argh....hate this..>.< ||| Reached ministry house about 1300H. 

We drove from KL to Sg Buloh then to Kundang, then Kuang...Finally, reached MBS!!! What an isolated place...Quite but nice tho....Didn't take much photos there...

 The seminar hall

 The swimming pool

The indoor stadium where 'Rachel' got her head bum. >.<

Kinda enjoy the activities and facilities there. Thank you to all the organizers and friends. The most important thing, i have been touched. Perhaps, my perception towards Christianity might have changed, not deviating to the negative site, but to be more open to GOD. The barrier between the door of my heart and Christ had started to break off. All in all, i felt peace...real inner peace...

Weight....KGs...Pounds....in EXTRAAAAA

OVERWEIGHT!!!!!       OBESITY!!!!!!      HYPERTENSION!!!!!!!

This was me in college time.....+ / - 70kg

Then.............

 Current me....+ / - 105kg   >.<   WTF!  -_-|||

Weird right? People normally post a photo of their fattest moment and then the successful weight loss! I am the opposite, T_T Weight gain and gain and gain, from 70 to 105, 35kgs extra. Imagine have to carry this body to walk and run if i could run. >.< Always say wanna diet but ended up with weight gain instead of weight loss, blood pressure shot up, always sprain my ankle, shortness of breath, horrible snoring. ARGH!!!!!  Come on Will Ku, drop all the extra kg!!! come on!!!!

My feelings is still tethered to you...

The photo explains everything.......

The Road Not Taken...best describe my situation now...=(

Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

LOGOS HOPE visit in west port klang

 The ship LOGOS HOPE

 Don't play play...i've donated 10 bucks k? =P\

Bought some readings materials...The most important book, the ALPHA 'Question of life'....

A very sad day

03/10/2011 (Monday)

Today would be the saddest day of the month. Today, i am going to bid farewell to one of my favorite child in ICU. Early in the morning, i saw this beautiful scene along KESAS highway. Hey, life is beautiful. Usually we are too busy to notice things around us, today, this scene caught my attention. I slow down my car, enjoying the view. Actually, i am just delaying the time to reach to the  hospital. Denial stage perhaps. Once i've settled with the parking, i took a deep breath, walk to ICU. As i opened the door, i told myself to control my emotion and i did it well. Helping my colleague Mariyan in preparing the items for transportation, settling the bill etc, making myself as busy as possible. 1000H, times up, it's time to sent the lil one back to Singapore. One by one came to bid farewell to him, caress his head for one last time, one by one broke down, river of tears flowing in ICU. I hold my tears back, packed everything and transferred the child to the stretcher and into the ambulance. While we're in casualty waiting to load things into the ambulance, one of my brother came down to say goodbye to the child, he burst into tears, and again, one by one crying again, and again, i held my tears. For 3 months he has been with us, from a patient to a friend, and now, he is like our lil brother. Took us 3 hours plus to reach Singapore, settled him down in paeds ICU, there...the moment i do not want to face, to bid farewell. I held my tears, kissed on his cheek, caressed his head for one last time, and he said to me...goodbye kor kor will, i replied him 'goodbye' and ran out from the room. I did not cry. Headed back to sunmed about 10pm. Exhausted. Looking at the empty bed in ICU 6, i have already started to miss him. For past 3 months, we stepped into ICU, the first thing we would do is to say 'hi' to him, caress his head, kiss him on the cheek, play with him. Now, it's just part of our memories. Be strong there, chemotherapy is a very tough process, be tough there, no matter where u are, we're always there for you. Hope to see you again...MIKA baby.....T_T

TIRED!!!! EXHAUSTED!!!!

Another baby died today. As usual, shuffle in ICU again...TIRED..stressed!!! Many shed their tears today....lights flickering just before the baby give up...reaper came to us today....FUCK! Tired to crap alot today...one WHOLE FUCKING DAY!

Chinese Paladin 3

Review from Will =P

Overall a very nice fairytail. Great graphics and effects on the chinese kung fu and skills casting. Very romantic and touching love stories, not merely love between both sex, it's about family, friends, etc. A big applause to the music as well, came out on the right time at the right scene, enough to draw my tears out. A worth the time masterpiece. ^_^ At least i've spent 3 days to finish the 37 episodes, managed to rewind back to understand more...haha

Kung fu panda

Familiar with this character? Lol. The 5 years old kiddo in ICU i've mentioned earlier said to me, 'kung fu panda'. I asked him, will kor kor is the panda or you? he said 'YOU'!!! >.<

Retards driving!

Damn fucking retard lady driving in front of me today. She kept looking left and right as though there is something bothering her, driving speed at 10km/h. Dang. Jam some more. My temperature raised up slowly until one extend, i have used my 'horn'. I don't usually use that thing because i don't like the sound. I'm getting pissed with most of the drivers nowadays, i don't know how they got their license and as though they owned the road. Fucking retard!

Love you M**A..

This is the 5 year old boy with his toys and TV in ICU.

Nurses life

You must be thinking 'what la will, all ur blog post about ur work, ur pt only, no life ah?'. The answer is yes, nurses life really sucks big big time. Work, work, tired, sleep, wake up, go to work again then rest day OT. Time to enjoy ourselves is so limited. When we're free, our friends all busy working. When our friends are free, we're busy working. Sometimes, i can hardly see my family for few days even though we're staying under one roof. Sigh. I'm getting sick of this. We work so hard, poured our TLC to our beloved pt, holistic care, from ADLs, psychological, financial, safety, social welfare, till then end of life care. You tell me, apart from GOD, who will take good care of you when you're sick without complaining? All the nasty dirty work, we did it perfectly. I don't think your family members or the doctors would clean your ass for you. Malaysians are treating the nurses very badly, especially those filthy rich bastards, treating us like a maid. They don't understand the concept of nursing. We are not your servant, we don't take wages from you and we are definitely don't work under the doctors, we work collaboratively or hand in hand with the doctors. A hospital cannot survive without nurses, who would open a hospital with only doctors? never heard before.. What i'm trying to say here is, please, respect us, don't ever look down on nurses. We study 3 years not to become a maid, we are well equipped to save lives. Hi5 to all the nurses! You're doing an amazing job! Proud to be a nurse!

Babies

Babies or we called it as neonate in medical terms for newborn.

I'm working night shift for these few days, yesterday was my first night duty. There 'was' a neonate just came into our world for less than 48 hours, suffered from congenital illness. He fought hard enough until GOD taken him away at 0010H today. His mother is a high risk pregnancy mother (age factor), father is aging as well with an eldest son with the age of 27 years old. Whom shall we blame for this matter? I heard it was an unwanted pregnancy or we known as 'accident'. I am very disappointed with the parents for what they have done, couldn't they use protection if they know it is not suitable for them to have baby in their age now? common, you both already have 8 children, youngest 13 years old. Isn't this enough? grow up man! you've indirectly killed your own son now. How many innocent lives have to be sacrifice for the mistakes of the adults? I am really getting sick of all these. Is the world going nuts? Again, GOD! What is going on here? Is Armageddon near? Sigh...

Will kor kor will always love you T_T

What can you tell me from this picture? This picture reminds me of a kid in ICU now. He is a 5 years old kiddo, who suffered from malignant ependymoma. Tumor in the head. Went into surgery for few times, now the consultant has given up on the recurrent tumor. If he goes into the theater again, he might not making it out from there. Everyday, people who came to visit him, regardless of doctors, nurses, family members, will always asked him to smile. His parents sometimes get really frustrated and stressed up, accidentally scolded him if he does not breath well. Imagine how strong he is, to a 5 years old kid. Others in his age now is going to school, meeting new friends, running here and there, playing their favorite games, eating their favorite food. He is lying on the bed, breathing through the ventilator, feeding through nasal tubes, cannot run, can't even hug his parents and feel the warmness from his parents chest. Skin to skin touch is so limited. We're blaming him for watching TVs all the time, don't want to rest. Have we ever step on his shoe to think? He might be thinking that he would not live long, he may bid farewell to us anytime soon. He just want to catch up all the things he missed on the TV, trying to live a life where all other 5 years old kid been doing. He wanted to eat, to taste the food, but he can't even swallow, no coughing and gag reflex. He is scared that he might not wake up once he is asleep. He wanted to spent more time with his love ones. Who knows what future holds for him now? How long can he live? When will he go into complete comatose? We're harsh to him, forcing him to do this and that. Sometimes when he cries, my heart melted and i wanted to cry along. He is stronger than any one of us, in terms of mentality, physical, emotions. Sometimes i asked GOD, why have to be so cruel to a small kid like him? What have he done to deserve this? He is just 5 years old? His journey had just begun and YOU wanted to put an end to it? Why? I am telling lies to a 5 years old kid every time i see him. 'You are doing great, you will be okay, when you get recovered, will bring you to eat this and that, to visit here and there'. We all know he will leave one day. Why do nurses have to face all this? Everyday seeing people crying after their love ones has passed away, we're just standing at the side to see them. Wanted to give them a hug but we're worried what we might get too attached to them. Why have to be so cruel to us? Come back to the 5 years old kiddo, sometimes, the maid said he will call for me. He called me 'will kor kor', play with me. I wanted to play with him and make him smile but sometimes, i walked away...i am just too sad to see him like that....i will not drop a single drop of tears in front of him...i told myself...God, what is going on here?

I'm back ! ^_^

Hi everybody, thanks for visiting my blog. Hehe. These few days is really tiring for me. Left leg on the road of recovery, told myself i must be tough. The consequences to be obstinate, painful and soreness of my physical body. People sees me, the only thing came out from their mouth was 'Will, you gain weight again'?...Yes, i am indeed a round fat santa claus now. Wanna get back to the slim version of me but it is so hard. A lot of things i wanted to get it done right but it always turn out to be...sigh..hard to comprehend...It's complicated...wanna get some shots of patron to overcome all this, LFT gone hay wire, have to stop consuming alcohol for some time...Not complaining about my life sucks etc, just wanna get things right...who am i compared to others who suffered from tremendous downhill in their life? Guide me Lord...

Baoz from Klang

Got to know about this 'bao' shop from my aunt. Went to ppl's blog, found the address, called in to 'pre-book' the 'bao', follow my lil GPS. Phew..reached there...Bought 30 'baos' for my family..the one of my favorite is the curry 'bao'..yummy! recommended to go there

Address:
Klang Food Centre
10, Jln Batai Laut 5,
Tmn Intan, Klang,
Selangor, Malaysia
Phone: 603-3342 8122

No matter how, do not give up, move forward!

A very nice drama..meaningful..real life story bout love, families, friends..faith..loyalty...betrayal...forgive...I'm personally touched by this drama...thumbs up!! SUKOI NEH!

Kiss the Rain

KISS THE RAIN LYRICS YIRUMA 
RS 1
I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And I'm woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
It's hollow inside
I never had your love
And I never will

CHORUS
And every night
I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Like I've always loved you
But how can you love me
Like I loved you when
You can't even look me straight in my eyes

VRS 2/3
I've never felt this way
To be so in love
To have someone there
Yet feel so alone
Aren't you supposed to be
The one to wipe my tears
The on to say that you would never leave

The waters calm and still
My reflection is there
I see you holding me
But then you disappear
All that is left of you
Is a memory
On that only, exists in my dreams

CHORUS

VRS 4
I don't know what hurts you
But I can feel it too
And it just hurts so much
To know that I can't do a thing
And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know
That no matter what
I'll always love you

VRS 1

So why am I still here in the rain

LyricsBay | KISS THE RAIN LYRICS YIRUMA 

Really long time didn't update my blog already. Kind of miss the feelings of writing everything down. Lol. Time passed very fast, now i am already 26 years old. Kind of miss those days, i mean kiddo days. Live life without thinking of many things. Can time really turn backwards? Just for one time? Let me go back to those happy moments and dwell in it. When you grow older, your shoulder grow broader and heavier. I really wish to relax and stop in the time for a while. Tired..tired..

Kinda love this song tho...>.<