A very sad day

03/10/2011 (Monday)

Today would be the saddest day of the month. Today, i am going to bid farewell to one of my favorite child in ICU. Early in the morning, i saw this beautiful scene along KESAS highway. Hey, life is beautiful. Usually we are too busy to notice things around us, today, this scene caught my attention. I slow down my car, enjoying the view. Actually, i am just delaying the time to reach to the  hospital. Denial stage perhaps. Once i've settled with the parking, i took a deep breath, walk to ICU. As i opened the door, i told myself to control my emotion and i did it well. Helping my colleague Mariyan in preparing the items for transportation, settling the bill etc, making myself as busy as possible. 1000H, times up, it's time to sent the lil one back to Singapore. One by one came to bid farewell to him, caress his head for one last time, one by one broke down, river of tears flowing in ICU. I hold my tears back, packed everything and transferred the child to the stretcher and into the ambulance. While we're in casualty waiting to load things into the ambulance, one of my brother came down to say goodbye to the child, he burst into tears, and again, one by one crying again, and again, i held my tears. For 3 months he has been with us, from a patient to a friend, and now, he is like our lil brother. Took us 3 hours plus to reach Singapore, settled him down in paeds ICU, there...the moment i do not want to face, to bid farewell. I held my tears, kissed on his cheek, caressed his head for one last time, and he said to me...goodbye kor kor will, i replied him 'goodbye' and ran out from the room. I did not cry. Headed back to sunmed about 10pm. Exhausted. Looking at the empty bed in ICU 6, i have already started to miss him. For past 3 months, we stepped into ICU, the first thing we would do is to say 'hi' to him, caress his head, kiss him on the cheek, play with him. Now, it's just part of our memories. Be strong there, chemotherapy is a very tough process, be tough there, no matter where u are, we're always there for you. Hope to see you again...MIKA baby.....T_T