here i am again!

it's been ages (<-----familiar oni) since my last post. what to do? lazy arse! haha..just feel like typing something, cant sleep..long and lonely night, staring at my computer..surfing unknown urls, lost...mind filled with tons of crappy stuff..soul was wondering around to search for a peaceful and quiet place, a sanctuary! where is my sanctuary i asked, no one could answer my question i guess. only god knows..in the church? heaven? hell? clubs? my house? hospital? i cant find it..maybe i need some personal space to cool down and relax..i'm like a time bomb, waiting to blast off. alcohol is my best friend now, sooner or later, cigarette will be my best friend too! people says i'm obstinate, cant follow the flow of life but hey, i like to be myself and what the hell is wrong with that..no one is perfect and who gave u the privilege to judge others since you yourself are not perfect? humans, humans.....i wanna be free, totally free......

A very meaningful song in japs..english translation as below

Moriyama Naotaro - Cherry Blossoms (Solo)

Lyrics: Moriyama Naotaro, Okachimachi Kaito
Music: Moriyama Naotaro

I’m sure that we’re waiting for the days when we can see you again
We’ll wave and shout on a road lined with cherry blossom trees
No matter how hard it got you always smiled
So even when doubt crept in I felt like I could do my best

Within the fading scene I can hear that day’s song

Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms, they bloom now
Knowing their destiny is to fall
Farewell my friend, it’s time to leave
Those feelings that never change…
I feel them now…

Maybe I could say words without lies now
You shine as I pray for your future, these are words of truth

The city moves as if to hurry us on

Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms, they just drift in the air
I believe in a moment of rebirth someday
Don’t cry my friend, it’s time for our painful goodbye
Put on that genuine smile…
Go ahead…

Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms, now ride the wind
Bask in the light that cries out forever
Farewell my friend, let’s meet here again

On a road lined with cherry blossom trees

who can tell me whtz going on here? a bear........

one of the songs that motivates me alot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

Nurses Vs DRs

hmm, where shall i start? why don't i start with the incidents happened in HDU today, to me in fact. today got scolded by two so-called specialist Dr. Without any reasons or rationale, they scolded me and gave me upside down, left and right nicely.So does my senior, pity on her. 1st day working after 1 week leave then kena head shot! Why those doctors never use their rational side to think, if the nurses arent in the hospital to take care of the patient, will they survived? What is their duty and responsibilities to the patient? Have they ever asked how's the patient feels? Have they ever tried to do a sponging to the pt? clean the feces? throw the urine? experience multiple tasks at one time when thing seems to be impossible to be done? but yes we nurses did it! i can tell tht Drs are not more superior or made them higher in human society, we nurses collaborate with doctors in taking care of the patients. Not as a servants that they could 'bark' at! Hospital without nurses can't be function at all but a place without doctors still can function, etc: the nursing home! have you ever seen a clinic or hospital without nurses, do let me know. Nurses are human too, we do have feelings and dignity, so do u doctors! If you want us to respect you, 1st, please earn your respects. Why would people call nurses as angels but not Drs? I've been wondering this question for so long. Nurses is a noble job, we have to go through 3 years course and have to fill ourselves with lotsa TLC. In private settings, patients tend to talk more to the doctors because they think that Drs are the only one can save their lives but they have forgotten the role of nurses.Sigh! Who is the one who offer them warm blanket when they are cold? who accompany them when they are alone in the dark? who is the one who take care of their activities of daily living? who clean their perianal area? who arrange everything accordingly so that their stay in the hospital won't be a nightmare to them? etc....if i were to count all the things nurses did, i think i can write a novel about nurses. Why can't the Drs be more polite in talking? manners make a man? have they ever learned this? have they learn about professionalism? scolding nurses in front of the patients or other colleagues makes them more powerful and unthreatable? All sounds bullshit to me, everything they did now are juz merely some practical jokes. Losing nurses in the hospital is like losing their extremities. You cant walk, i can use your hands to do miracle works. I hope Drs can sit down and calm themselves and think, are they treating the pt's diseases with all of their heart or just want to treat the disease itself and get the pay? i'm so confused with the doctors in malaysia nowadays, compare to western countries where human rights are stressed, malaysia doctors are lacking 20years behind! In terms of attitude and medical advances. What i can do now is to pray to God, hopefully they will change in one day and be more 'gentle'. A little bit of care means alot to the patients and ppl around them.

Love

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

New post?

whoa, itz been ages since my last post....man, i must be damn lazy...yeah, it true some of the time...life nowadays seems to be a lil hectic to me..especially after joining ICU in sunway..everyday kena 'shoot' upside down, left and right..have to brush up on my knowledge and skills as i'm taking care those ppl who needs critical care..i was totally naive, i thought it shud be easy for me to cope with all these hurdles but 1 thing came through my mind after 1 month working in icu..why did i choose nursing at the first place?i was totally stress to the max but still, i have to do my best coz i know nothing in this world is 'user-friendly' and god loves to give us challenges..i have to agree with that, we grow and learn from challenges..no doubt ppl tend to do mistake but hey, at least we learn right..haihz....wht the hell is life?work, sleep, work sleep, rest day still thinking of work....during work has no time to think about rest or eat...itz like rush hours...v do we have to chase the time instead of time waiting for us?sigh! dang...i wish i could climb up to a higher ground to shout!