long long time

hey guys, am back here...phew..finally..i've finished my sem 8 and currently having my clinical placement..will be going to the state of johore for my psychiatric posting next week for 2 weeks time..kinda excited and kinda sad..coz ma lil bro juz came back from sabah for his clinical placement but i gotta go far...gotta wait 2 weeks more to meet him..itz like been ages even though it's juz 3 months time...maybe we're juz too close to each other..haha..hmm...to be honest, i'm kinda nervous now for my LJM examination this december...dunno y?even though i can score great results in the college but it doesnt mean i can do well in LJM..i must do my best! sigh...juz tht i do not have the confident to do so...will be going for my cousin's wedding dinner in november and the other in december...kinda excited tho..haha....gotta keep fit to buy nice clothing..muahahaha..<-----mission impossible...sigh!!!!!!!argh....lazy to type la..gotta now..ciaoz..

my birthday pics

i'm back!

whoa, can't believe my damn fucking schedule for semester 8!all night class and hell lots of assignment and research thingy to do..especially the nursing research thing and management subject.killing me slowly and softly.i'm real bad in these two subjects. the reason why? coz i hate restrictions and rules..crap crap..can't sleep today coz i'll be having class on saturday from 7.30am till 4pm..WTF! damn college! suppose a day fro me to rest? just finish watching another TVB drama, 最美丽的第7天..so damn nice and touching..haha..these few days wasn't feeling well, having tremors more frequent and fatigue all the time..guess my blood pressure shoot up again..i seriously don't know what to do with this stupid body anymore..have to pretend so much in front of people just to get rid of their attention and try not to let them worry.everyday sleep less than 3 hours, how to survive?to a normal healthy person, that might be just a piece of cake.to me, it's a one way ticket to hell..so many things to do, so many notes to read to memorize. another 5 more months to LJM examination..i'm so dead man..everyone around me keep saying that i'm brilliant, i can do this and that..in my heart, i just want to yell out to them and tell them that 'i'm not GOD!, i'm not perfect'.i'm just trying to do the best i could. arrrrrrrr........i want to have some shut eye now..feeling heavy now..ciao..

hmm....23 years of glory? Lolz..

itz half past 12am now, i'm officially 23 years old...dang!old dy..haha...from morning till night was celebrating with frens and family..quite tired but damn enjoying and damn happy..dunno y..maybe becoz juz finish my exam i think..haha..receive alot of presents..really apreciate it but paiseh leh..let u guys waste money oni..i will bcome a good person, dun woli..hehe..ah...really exhausted dy..wanna 'oi oi' dy..goodnite all..take care..muahs..luv u guys

OSCE tomorrow!!!!

whoa, i can't believe time passed so fast. tomorrow will be my OSCE (Objective-Skilled-Clinical-Examination) for semester 7. Kind of nervous now even though the procedures i've done many times. These 2 weeks is killing me softly, reading books, notes, dictionaries, 'choo-choo train' in the midnight. Argh....i want a long long holiday! next month i'll be in my semester 8. 1 more semester to go till graduation day. hmm, should i say, LJM (Lembaga Jururawat Malaysia) examination! <--it is actually a very tough exam, all the answer given in the question are true, you gotta choose the most precise and rationale one. critical thinking again. Who says nursing is just a piece of cake? you come and try it yourself! Argh...these few days keep playing Dota, just feel like killing someone in the game to release tension. damn tense up! i just feel weird now and then, maybe i didn't do well in test 1 and 2 i guess. my last gpa was 4.00, i have to get at least 3.95 and above for this sem or my cgpa will drop again! **bark!!!!! lol...No need to worry coz underdog is here!!!!! crap..getting nuts now...well, gotta resume my studies, gonna 'choo-choo train' again! wish me luck!

tension tension tension!!!!

damn it! i just heard some of my mates said the lecturer actually gave tips for the exam to the students, as the order from the higher authority from the college in order to bring up those with low CGPA. bullshit to the max i said. we work so hard all these while and study till like hell but what do we deserve? they can graduate with us with the same results and compete for job with us. Losers i said! in order to maintain the so-called 'good image' of the college, they would rather do anything. i hope those with the 'good result' out of a sudden without a 'good' reason will score 'flying colours' in LJM! I sincerely curse u guys to fail the exam! this is cheating and u guys are playing with patients' lives you bastards, assholes or whatever. So sad to hear about this, if u have worked hard enough, i don't think u can't pass the exam. just that u guys are bunch of lazy bumps! Asshole! spoil my mood today! u think u can do better than us after u got the tips, well, think again. i won't let ur nose get higher anymore for u guys have been acting like shit lately with the fake result. but still, can't beat me! so fuck off losers! ahhhhhh..enough is enough, lazy to talk about them. Crap! gotta work harder and show them the result from diligent, honest, and strong determination. We now declare war to those 'fakers'. We will prove it in the exam later. I just don't like it, especially in our profession. We are dealing with life and death, it is not funny at all.i dunno how u guys manage to enroll urself in this medical line without tender, loving, care and the most important thing ----> responsibility! Whatever u did, God knows and u'll reap for what u have sown! This is what i always believe and that is why i don't take action against u guys and the lecturer. I don't deserve to judge u guys. Honestly, i have to thank u guys instead of hating. because of your naiveness, it shoot up my adrenaline to study even harder. i will change the education system in the future and i will make sure masterskill college of nursing and health does not produce 'quantity' anymore! i'm so ashame of myself for being part of the college, so ashame of myself to tell my friends and family i'm taking nursing in masterskill college of nursing & health. It is a damn humiliation to me, to my dignity! i just want to graduate from this hell place asap and will never come back. Never i said! too many vermins in the college, shadows all around.

Prayer and a moment of silent to the victims in china earthquake

Dear Lord,

I can't hold my tears as i was reading the news about the earthquake happened in china, many souls sacrifice, be it men, women, children. I know everything happened happens for a reason and Lord you have your own ways. Lord i pray that you would save those victims and bless all the victims of the disaster. Lord please guide those lost soul and bring them to your kingdom, let them rest in peace. To those still struggling for their lives, Lord i pray that you will grant them strength and faith and the will to survive. Bless the rescuers a healthy and strong body to do their job, bless their family as well. Lord for there is nothing impossible to you, pour down your holy spirit and touched their soul, do your miracle on them O Lord. Please help them O Lord. Please show your mercy to them O Lord.

My Jesus, my Saviour
Lord there is none like You
All of my days I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love

My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You

Shout to the Lord
All the Earth, let us sing
Power and majesty
Praise to the King
Mountains bow down
And the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name

I sing for joy at the work
Of Your hand
Forever I'll love You
Forever I'll stand
Nothing compares
To the promise I have
In You

In Jesus wonderful name i ask and pray
Amen

*i urge all of you to pray with me, for the victims and the rescuers. u can choose to fast and pray or praying in a group. That's the least thing we can do to help them. thank you and may lord bless you. God bless.

can't sleep

sigh, trying to push myself for a shut eye but my restless soul just wouldn't get some rest. Mind is filled with tons of responsibilities and notes. Exam coming soon, next week. suppose to be satisfied if i have worked hard and did my best but i just couldn't hold back my 'perfectionist' character. Friends around always advise me not to demand and aim too high, i guess i couldn't help myself. i just like to aim high but when i fall, i don't feel 'too sad' either. Is it really hard to score 4 flat every semester? hmm, i guess so. damn it! i do feel tired these few days, was guiding juniors in their studies as well as doing my own revision. as time passed, i'm getting more frantic and worried. going to graduate this december and will be working as a nurse. thinking about sunway medical centre really freak me to my bones. wanna ask me the reason why? i couldn't tell ya because i myself don't know why.ah crap! can someone upgrade my memory capacity so that i could stuff more knowledge inside? just feel that my brain now is not enough for me even though people around keep calling me 'the walking and talking dictionary'. having good results in this college is not a good thing, it is a disaster. people tend to be jealous and try to bring you down. i really don't know why, whatever incident or shit related to me, if it happens today, the whole college will know about it immediately. i'm so sick of it, i wish i could have some privacy and some rest periods. please spare me fellow human, show me your humanitarian side rather than being cruel to me. damn fucked up life! wish could end this fucking college study asap. duh! SO FREAKING TIRED AND BORED WITH MY NOTES!!!!!! HELL!!!phew, feel better now..just like to crap and fool around, i will ganbateh!!!! wish me luck! adios amigo!

1 liter of tears

something really touched my heart and soul..

lol...seems like i can't control my brain and my hand, just had a strong feel that i should write something here. Regarding to the drama '1 liter of tears', i rated it as the best real life drama ever. I got the movie from my lil bro couple of weeks ago but i didn't open it. Bro said it was damn touching and was able drew his 'masculine tears' out. He is damn true. i did shed tears, in each episodes indeed. (i think more than a gallon of water. lol). i salute to beloved 'Aya', for her courage, strength, neverending faith and the will to survive. She was right, disease isn't a disaster, it is just some inconveniences. She motivates me to become an outstanding nurse and of course, a neurosurgeon in the future.(to be a neurosurgeon was and is my dream since young but...sigh..i shall NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! Gambateh!).Sometimes, i do wish to have an elder siblings so that i could at least sulk in front of them, getting love and guidance from them. Being the eldest in the family is not easy, seriously. even though it's not easy, i will definitely walk with faith and courage. nothing is impossible in this world, at least not to Jesus Christ, our saviour. Now i've learned to accept the disease i have and be compliance to the medication. I must survive! Aya told her boyfriend in the hospital that he (the boyfriend) must survive, must survive! she can't speak (aphasia) and write due to her disease, the only thing she could communicate with people was to point out word by word. how fascinating. sigh, i hereby urge all those who haven't watch this drama to get a copy of it and dwell in the drama, u can learn alot. Oops, gotta continue revision. Arigato.

一公升的眼泪 (1 litre of tears)

1 Litre no Namida (1リットルの涙, 1 Rittoru no Namida, lit. "1 Litre of Tears"; also called A Diary with Tears or A Diary of Tears) is a dramatic tragedy diary written by Aya Kitō (木藤亜也, Kitō Aya, July 19, 1962 - May 23, 1988) published after her death. The diary, a true story based on her own life, was originally written in first person. It is about a girl coping with her teenage life along with a degenerative disease. She keeps a diary of not only what she does but how she feels and the hardships she must endure.

Aya Kito was diagnosed with a disease called Spinocerebellar ataxia when she was 15 years old. The disease causes the person to lose control over their body, but because the person can retain all mental ability the disease acts as a prison. Aya discovers this disastrous news as the disease has already developed. There is no cure.

Through family, medical examinations and rehabilitations, and finally succumbing to the disease, Aya must cope with the disease and live on with life until her death at the age of 25.

sigh..

kinda busy with final exam now, do not have much time to online. sigh, will resume writing after exam. that would be in june. to all my friends out there, gambateh yo! u can do it! god bless. muahsss..

CPR

Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) is a lifesaving technique useful in many emergencies, including heart attack or near drowning, in which someone's breathing or heartbeat has stopped. CPR involves a combination of chest compression and mouth-to-mouth rescue breathing that keeps oxygenated blood flowing to the brain and other vital organs until more definitive medical treatment can restore a normal heart rhythm.

When the heart stops, the absence of oxygenated blood can cause irreparable brain damage in only a few minutes. Death will occur within eight to 10 minutes. Time is critical when you're helping an unconscious person who isn't breathing.

To learn CPR properly, take an accredited first-aid training course, including CPR and how to use an automatic external defibrillator (AED).

Before you begin
Assess the situation before starting CPR:

• Is the person conscious or unconscious?
• If the person appears unconscious, tap or shake his or her shoulder and ask loudly, "Are you OK?"
• If the person doesn't respond and two people are available, one should call 911 or the local emergency number and one should begin CPR. If you are alone and have immediate access to a telephone, call 911 before beginning CPR — unless you think the person has become unresponsive because of suffocation (such as from drowning). In this special case, begin CPR for one minute and then call 911.
• If an AED is immediately available, deliver one shock if advised by the device, then begin CPR.

Remember the ABCs
Think ABC — Airway, Breathing and Circulation — to remember the steps explained below. Move quickly through Airway and Breathing to begin chest compressions.

AIRWAY: Clear the airway

1. Put the person on his or her back on a firm surface.
2. Kneel next to the person's neck and shoulders.
3. Open the person's airway using the head-tilt, chin-lift maneuver. Put your palm on the person's forehead and gently tilt the head back. Then with the other hand, gently lift the chin forward to open the airway.
4. Check for normal breathing, taking no more than five or 10 seconds: Look for chest motion, listen for breath sounds, and feel for the person's breath on your cheek and ear. Gasping is not considered to be normal breathing. If the person isn't breathing normally and you are trained in CPR, begin mouth-to-mouth breathing. If you believe the person is unconscious from a heart attack and you haven't been trained in emergency procedures, skip mouth-to-mouth rescue breathing and proceed directly to chest compression.

BREATHING: Breathe for the person
Rescue breathing can be mouth-to-mouth breathing or mouth-to-nose breathing if the mouth is seriously injured or can't be opened.

1. With the airway open (using the head-tilt, chin-lift maneuver) pinch the nostrils shut for mouth-to-mouth breathing and cover the person's mouth with yours, making a seal.
2. Prepare to give two rescue breaths. Give the first rescue breath — lasting one second — and watch to see if the chest rises. If it does rise, give the second breath. If the chest doesn't rise, repeat the head-tilt, chin-lift maneuver and then give the second breath.
3. Begin chest compressions to restore circulation.

CIRCULATION: Restore blood circulation with chest compressions

1. Place the heel of one hand over the center of the person's chest, between the nipples. Place your other hand on top of the first hand. Keep your elbows straight and position your shoulders directly above your hands.
2. Use your upper body weight (not just your arms) as you push straight down on (compress) the chest 2 inches (approximately 5 centimeters). Push hard and push fast — give two compressions per second, or about 120 compressions per minute.
3. After 30 compressions, tilt the head back and lift the chin up to open the airway. Prepare to give two rescue breaths. Pinch the nose shut and breathe into the mouth for one second. If the chest rises, give a second rescue breath. If the chest doesn't rise, repeat the head-tilt, chin-lift maneuver and then give the second rescue breath. That's one cycle. If someone else is available, ask that person to give two breaths after you do 30 compressions.
4. If the person has not begun moving after five cycles (about two minutes) and an automatic external defibrillator (AED) is available, apply it and follow the prompts. The American Heart Association recommends administering one shock, then resuming CPR — starting with chest compressions — for two more minutes before administering a second shock. If you're not trained to use an AED, a 911 operator may be able to guide you in its use. Trained staff at many public places are also able to provide and use an AED. Use pediatric pads, if available, for children ages 1 to 8. Do not use an AED for infants younger than age 1. If an AED isn't available, go to No. 5 below.
5. Continue CPR until there are signs of movement or until emergency medical personnel take over.

To perform CPR on a child:

The procedure for giving CPR to a child age 1 through 8 is essentially the same as that for an adult. The differences are as follows:

• If you're alone, perform five cycles of compressions and breaths on the child — this should take about two minutes — before calling 911 or your local emergency number or using an AED.
• Use only one hand to perform heart compressions.
• Breathe more gently.
• Use the same compression-breath rate as is used for adults: 30 compressions followed by two breaths. This is one cycle. Following the two breaths, immediately begin the next cycle of compressions and breaths.
• After five cycles (about two minutes) of CPR, if there is no response and an AED is available, apply it and follow the prompts. Use pediatric pads if available. If pediatric pads aren't available, use adult pads.

Continue until the child moves or help arrives.

To perform CPR on a baby:

Most cardiac arrests in infants occur from lack of oxygen, such as from drowning or choking. If you know the infant has an airway obstruction, perform first aid for choking. If you don't know why the infant isn't breathing, perform CPR.

To begin, assess the situation. Stroke the baby and watch for a response, such as movement, but don't shake the child.

If there's no response, follow the ABC procedures below and time the call for help as follows:

• If you're the only rescuer and CPR is needed, do CPR for two minutes — about five cycles — before calling 911 or your local emergency number.
• If another person is available, have that person call for help immediately while you attend to the baby.

AIRWAY: Clear the airway

1. Place the baby on his or her back on a firm, flat surface, such as a table. The floor or ground also will do.
2. Gently tip the head back by lifting the chin with one hand and pushing down on the forehead with the other hand.
3. In no more than 10 seconds, put your ear near the baby's mouth and check for breathing: Look for chest motion, listen for breath sounds, and feel for breath on your cheek and ear.

If the infant isn't breathing, begin mouth-to-mouth breathing immediately.

BREATHING: Breathe for the infant

1. Cover the baby's mouth and nose with your mouth.
2. Prepare to give two rescue breaths. Use the strength of your cheeks to deliver gentle puffs of air (instead of deep breaths from your lungs) to slowly breathe into the baby's mouth one time, taking one second for the breath. Watch to see if the baby's chest rises. If it does, give a second rescue breath. If the chest does not rise, repeat the head-tilt, chin-lift maneuver and then give the second breath.
3. If the chest still doesn't rise, examine the mouth to make sure no foreign material is inside. If the object is seen, sweep it out with your finger. If the airway seems blocked, perform first aid for a choking infant.
4. Begin chest compressions to restore circulation.

CIRCULATION: Restore blood circulation

1. Imagine a horizontal line drawn between the baby's nipples. Place two fingers of one hand just below this line, in the center of the chest.
2. Gently compress the chest to about one-third to one-half the depth of the chest.
3. Count aloud as you pump in a fairly rapid rhythm. You should pump at a rate of about 100 to 120 pumps a minute.
4. Give two breaths after every 30 chest compressions.
5. Perform CPR for about two minutes before calling for help unless someone else can make the call while you attend to the baby.
6. Continue CPR until you see signs of life or until a professional relieves you.

my all time favourite game since 1995

Mother's day

Mother's Day

There were some different beginnings
To what we know as, Mother's Day
One woman, Anna Reeves Jarvis
Mothers' Work Day Clubs, her way.

They focused on sanitary conditions
And provided medicines for the poor
They promised to care for all Soldiers
From both sides in the Civil War.

After that War that had divided
The new-found peace would take her
To healing families and friends
And she became a real peacemaker.

Then, in the Eighteen seventies
Something we could sure use now
Mothers' Peace Day, was started
By, Julia Ward Howe.

A famous woman of the time
Reformer, lecturer, and writer of note
The Battle Hymn Of The Republic
Is something that she wrote.

A woman' suffrage association
Voted her their first President
And hers, the first suggestion
To have a Mother's Day event.

Then there was Frank Hering
In the year Nineteen ought-four
Of the Fraternal Order Of Eagles
Who claimed to open the door.

In Nineteen fourteen Woodrow Wilson
Recommending a Federal Mother's Day
Signed a joint resolution
That we now observe each year in May.

No matter who takes the credit
It was a long time overdue
To honor all those Ladies
Who gave life to me and you.

So, those who still have theirs
Should remember those times passed
And thank Her now for all those things
She's done for you in the past.

For those whose Mom is gone
It's a time to reflect and say,
"Mom, I love and miss you,
On this, and every other day.

Our Mothers shape our being
And have an endless wealth to give
And She will be a part of us
For as long as we may live.

The person i admire the most...WS..

"It is the east, and Juliet is the sun" Romeo and Juliet ( Quote Act II, Scene II).

"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."
Romeo and Juliet ( Quote Act II, Scene II).

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". Romeo and Juliet ( Quote Act II, Sc. II).

"Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast". ( Quote Act II, Scene III).

"Tempt not a desperate man" Romeo and Juliet Quote (Act V, Sc. III).

"For you and I are past our dancing days" . Romeo and Juliet ( Quote Act I, Scene V).

"O! she doth teach the torches to burn bright" Romeo and Juliet Quote (Act I, Sc. V).

"It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear" . ( Quote Act I, Scene V).

memories? 记忆。。。。 ingatan?

why do we have memories? i really dun understand..sweet memories can lighten up our days when we're damn bored..what about the bitter ones? sometimes, i do hope that i do not have any memories at all so that i could have surprises everyday.learning new stuff everyday..but that will lead me to no advancement, no improvement...how do we overcome the sad memories...hypnotize by the psychiatrist and delete the memory? what if the memories stays in the 'recycle bin' and restored by itself? i'm extremely blur now....4 years since her death and the memories about her keep haunting me, every single day...especially those 'meaningful' days...her birthday, the first day we met, we kiss, we get laid, we quarreled, we dated...adventures.....how i miss 'those' days....i want to get rid of all these..seriously...can someone guide me through this? God? semester 7 final exam is around the corner, i'm so anxious and tensed up to the max....i wanted to do the best of my best because i've messed up my test 1 and 2..not my fault tho, the 'india' style....what the fuck!!!!! do really hated her at the beginning..how could she expect us to write all the points since '5 marks' were shown beside the question? everyone thought it was 5 points or 10 points to deserve that 5 marks? oh crap..she wants everything...now i have a deep thought about this..she was right actually..she wants us to learn more and be outstanding..i should have thank her instead of being angry with her..she gave me motivation to learn more and be an outstanding nurse...i always wanted to...thank you miss XXX...i really appreciate it..LJM exam is on 22nd december 2008...really anxious because just feel like time is running out...1 day 24 hours is not enough for me..how i wish i could have all the time in the world....seriously...i urge my classmates and friends..please study hard and change the perception of the people towards nursing..we are not lousy and lazy..proof to the doctor that we are their colleagues, not servant..we have the same knowledge as them...without us, patient can't survive...as i always say,' everyone can be a nurse, whether you are a lousy nurse, average nurse, good nurse or an outstanding nurse, it's all in your hand...u decide for your future..patients' lives are in our hand...please don't play a fool with it...we are angels...not demons!'...gambateh yo will ku san!

Love....

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”